Searching for spiritual learning

This morning I brought my mom to church as usual. In front of us, sat a father and his aultruistic daughter. Everyone around them, watch them, I believe in curiosity and saddness for him.

After mass, my mother made a comment on “How poor thing. How ker lian”

The strange thing is I saw them in a totally different light. From what I could see and sense, the daughter’s soul was almost in a constant symphony, where she was playing various instruments, the flute, drums and whatever else took her fancy. There was a sublime joy in the movements and the rythms of her actions. Would not we all love to live a life in joy of doing what we want? In total spiritual and emotional congruence to live in joy and happiness. This was what I saw in the girl. She may never live a normal life as we think she should. She may never be a great composer or musician. She may not even have someone later in life to love her but in her own world, would she find comfort? I dearly hope so.  Although in this life, we ourselves may never see or experience that joy, I think its something we should strive for. Or even if we do see the chance for it, will we let go of what we think people would say of us and simple be in the moment, be in the now and experience the unlimited joy? I hope one day, I will find that thing that will show me this.

 The father show me yet a different side. He was amazingly tender and loving to her daughter. He even greeted all round him with hope and happiness. That surprised me and those around me, most poeple would not want to attract attention if they have a child like that. He didn’t feel that way, I felt he felt proud that he had a daughter no matter what she is. The love he show was astounding, its something that I don’t know if I can even hope to achieve. Limitless and without reservations. All religions want you to have that. But none of them tells you how to achieve that. I hope one day I can learn, from whatever source to love people like that. Unlimited and without reservations. That would be the greatest gift that could be bestowed on me.

Its been a surprising few weeks for me. Been feeling more, been appreciating more been living more.  One of these days I’ll write about the meditation I’ve found recently about being the fountain of love, beacon of love. And how to finally let go of old grudges, old anger, old memories that always seem to resurface, when something similiar happens.

I’ve been calmer and more compassionate lately. I hope that continues to grow. 

My friend and I both have this problem. After a time getting to know us either through schools or internet or whatever, these women will make a comment like “I don’t understand why you are not married. Your kind, understand, cook well, <fill in whatever positive comments>, but why don’t you have a girlfriend or a wife.” Now we both will answer “You’re single, do you want to marry me?” The girl will inevitably go “err aahh.. no not really.” Its like a universal truth for the both of us. Yes its sad and strange, for me this has happened since my university days, 1989-1993 until 2007.. think about it, its 14 years.

Until yesterday night, I met an old friend whom I got to know maybe 7-8 years ago over ICQ I think. She’s had a hard life with love (divorced), with her own spiritual abilities and unexpected spiritual problems. In an age (10 years ago) where people still look down on divorcees, not so much today but still true somewhat.

She met with me after not meeting up for over 4 years, of course I said yes even though she’s married and I made sure it was alright with her and her husband first. This woman is exceedingly beautiful. She has the kind of look that electrifies many males younger and older. Shes my age group now but still looks very good.

After talking sometime about all kinds of stuff that has happened in our lives, she says, “When we got to know each other over the internet and other conventional conversations, I thought here was a man that was kind, hardworking and would never cheat, had many positive attributes. I thought that you would be a man that I could marry and was trying to decided should I go after you.” Thud.. my jaw dropped.. what the hack?!?!

“After you came back from the US,  you came over to my place and since then and after, you only showed respect and friendship, I wasn’t sure if I should chase you or not.”

She goes on to say, that I should lose some weight as I don’t look physically attractive (yup I totally agree with that), so that women could look at me and appreciate me for what I am. But only a mature women would understand not a young person.

Ah well darn there goes all those pretty young things! hahah still I was astounded.. here I thought I would forever be thought of as a ”good friend” never as a lover or husband material. Here was a woman who shattered that belief.. for that I thank her forever.

It was a good weekend.. see my other post on aultruistic love.